How do you get your girlfriend to lose weight
By Lauren Steussy. November 2, pm Updated November 2, pm. Last Thursday, a New York man wondered aloud to the internet if he could ask his girlfriend to lose weight. The resounding answer, per social media users? A big, fat no.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Get Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight - 8 Tested Tips
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to tell your Girlfriend she is getting Fat and needs to lose weightContent:
- How to Tell Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight Without Sounding Rude
- How to tell your Girlfriend to Lose Weight.
- How To Encourage Your Girlfriend or Wife To Lose Weight – Without Getting Slapped!
- The Humanist Dilemma: Can I Ask My Girlfriend to Lose Weight as a Condition to Getting Married?
- Talking To Your Girlfriend About Her Weight Gain
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How to Tell Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight Without Sounding Rude
Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. My girlfriend is in the process of losing weight, and the topic comes up between us occasionally at her instigation , usually with a context of "I'm going to be so much hotter in a few months".
She's very much doing it for herself, and I don't think there's unhealthy body image stuff attached. From a purely objective standpoint, I can acknowledge that there is room for her to get slimmer without being unhealthy.
I, however, being thoroughly enamoured with her, think she's the hottest thing on two legs irrespective of what size dress she wears. I generally express this opinion, but I'm a little worried that it might come across as rubbishing something that she's doing for herself.
I don't want to express either "you shouldn't lose weight" or "you'd be hotter if you did lose weight" - I think she's gorgeous, and I think she'll still be gorgeous if she lost some weight. It makes no difference to me, and it's her body anyway, I have no say in the matter even if I did have an opinion. How do I respond when she brings up the topic, so that it doesn't come across like I'm either being unsupportive of her efforts or telling her she needs to lose weight? This subject is interesting.
I'm going to assume your girlfriend's personality suggests that she isn't too sensitive about this stuff given the information.
Objectively, anyone who can healthily lose weight, should lose weight if the goal is overall health. Even slight variations of weight have medically-proven effects on health and lifespan . Please, do not ever tell anyone that they shouldn't lose weight, barring serious medical concerns and never tell anyone, especially your girlfriend, that they should lose weight, either. Your viewpoint is healthy, so don't be ashamed of it. Embrace it. Personally, I think you have the right idea, you're just having trouble expressing it.
Something like this expresses your opinions of her currently, without telling her that she should or shouldn't continue. You should also mention something positive to ensure that she knows how you feel.
Something like:. It's awesome that you want to be healthier, and I'm proud of you either way, and [insert gushy comment about how pretty she currently is]. In fact, the less you mention weight, the better. If I were in this situation, I'd keep it in the context of health.
I'm saying that anything other than average weight is not ideal. There are people who need to lose weight and there are people who need to gain weight. If the problem is immediately-life-or-serious-harm-threatening, it's okay to speak up. If not, I recommend leaving it to the doctors or go to medical school because otherwise it's not really your business.
I have a very similar situation in my relationship where my SO is trying to better themselves despite me thinking they're already perfect. My advice for you is to get excited and stay encouraging!
When discussing this, focus on the benefits for her , not yourself--that's the reason she's doing this after all. For example, try asking if she has any goals or if she doesn't, it could be fun to set some!
Is it fitting a certain size of jeans or a certain swimsuit? Or maybe it's a weight number. Once you know what she's working towards, you can specifically mention this when discussing her plans:. Don't overthink this. If she's decided to do this, then she has her own reasons and as the SO, the best thing you can do is push her forward! Weight is a touchy subject. My partner and I have both varied our weight quite a bit over the past 10 years or so and over that time we have both been sensitive in our self image.
What I have learned is that it is much much better to focus on health than looks. Since you don't mind either way, you can emphasize that you like how she is now while still being supportive of her health. The number on the scale is just a number. It's so great that you're focusing on being healthy and I really appreciate that. The number on the scale doesn't matter so much to me as long as you are looking after yourself!
Losing weight takes a lot of discipline, endurance and determination. She seems to be self-aware enough to know that she is looking good already and will look even better in the future, so don't stress the superficial and obvious. Coming back from a run? Eating salad instead of cake?
Let her know how you would not have the fortitude to resist the temptation! That's some really good resilience. She should be proud for not quitting, but getting back at it where most people would use this situation as an excuse to not even try any more.
Those things work when she has started the workout already, if, however, she is not at that point yet, you might encourage her by getting involved yourself. It is much easier to remove yourself from the bed in the mornings if you're not going to work out by yourself. If you are not interested in joining her on the diet or workout, you could still tell her how seeing her progress helped you to pick up some good habits yourself, like meditation or simply walking in the park for recreation, rather than watching TV.
By focusing on the mental, rather than physical, aspects of her efforts you can show encouragement and care, without giving her wrong impressions.
Of course, whatever you say should be one hundred percent honest at all times though. I think she's gorgeous, and I think she'll still be gorgeous if she lost some weight. It makes no difference to me,. Now I actually disagree that this implies "she's not doing it for me". That it does not change that she is first choice for you actually means that she is not trying to effect a change on your choice but rather on how happy she feels you can be about it.
So likely the right frame of mind is "I cannot imagine right now being more infatuated with you than I am but are certainly open to let myself be surprised". And in some manners it can turn out like interior decoration: you cannot really imagine assigning any significance to it but when getting to live with its results, one has to acknowledge that it does actually make a difference. So keep your mind open about being impressed and don't sabotage her efforts by closing your mind to the possibility of being appreciative of the results.
For me personally it's not as much the result of dieting when starting from reasonable size that is but of exercise that's most relevant: I like touching something feeling alive, and basic musculature does that job better than either fat or bones. Again: nothing wrong by letting your tastes be led by who you chose to embrace anyway, but be open about appreciating changes even if they don't aim to change your choice. I've been having the same conversation with my wife for the past twenty years, except for that period in there when we had lost the weight alas, she gained part of it back and I gained almost all of it back.
In her case, there are other body image issues, which also play into it. This may also be the case with the OP's girlfriend as well. Example: "Yes, sweetheart, you could stand to lose some weight. We both need to.
I want to have a lot of years to spend with you, so I don't want either of us to drop dead of a heart attack. That doesn't mean that I don't find you drop-dead gorgeous. A woman once gave me some advice that seems to work quite well.
You only need tell her 3 things:. I changed the third one by adding a 'to me' at the end - as the song goes, "you are so beautiful, to me. Specifically to losing weight, if she says, "I'll be hotter Or, if so you'll still be sexy in my eyes. Or, you'll always be beautiful to me. If one of her motivations is that she believes that you'll find her more attractive afterwards and she later discovers that your opinion of her attractiveness hasn't changed then she might feel a bit disappointed or possibly even decieved if you haven't told her otherwise.
I'm not implying that not telling her is a form of deception, I'm just saying that it's possible that she might feel that way, especially if it's a bigger motivational factor than she's letting on. Sometimes people get ideas in their heads about how people will react to something that turn out to be drastically different from how the person would actually react and it can be very disheartening when that happens, especially if a person has gone to a lot of effort.
All in all though, it's better to be sure and being able to be open and frank about your feelings is important in a relationship. Ask her if she's losing weight purely for health reasons, or of part of her motivation for losing weight is because she thinks she'll be more attractive. Whatever she replies, tell her that her weight loss won't make you find her any more or any less attractive than she already is. Then reassure her that you will continue supporting her, but you just wanted to make sure she understands how you feel about it because you don't want her to be under the false impression that her losing weight will affect your opinion of her attractiveness.
After you've discussed it with her, go ahead with whatever she decides, let your mind be at ease and don't bring it up again unless she wants to discuss it further. This is an especially difficult subject because for many years the world has conflated skinnyness with attractiveness, and the media has made sure to reinforce that notion as much as possible. As the saying goes though, beauty is in the eye of the beholder - everyone has different tastes in what they find attractive e.
For every person that finds someone attractive, there's another who doesn't. Hence I personally think weight loss should only be done for health reasons or if a person truly thinks that it makes them look better in their own opinion, and not because of the opinions of others. Either way, for some people it can be a slippery slope, and it shouldn't be done on a whim.
You are treading on thin ice here. Apparently mentioned in one comment she feels like she has to reduce weight due to professional reasons.
That is a whole lot of pressure and she can use all the support she can get. A significant other who tells her that they could not care less about any change is sabotaging her efforts. This will be worse if you don't show any inclination to follow her example.
If the body image she thinks she owes her job is deprioritized and ridiculed by you, that is akin to a passive-aggressive sabotage of her career choice and the personal efforts she thinks she has to pursue. At the same time, adopting that body image and the respective personal standards means that if she is successful, she'll be viewing you with those metrics as well.
How to tell your Girlfriend to Lose Weight.
How can you make her feel motivated to lose the weight and to feel happy about doing it, rather than having to get into unnecessary arguments with her where you try to convince her to lose the weight and then, she ends up getting angry at you and it causes problems between you and her? What you need to understand is that her level of motivation to look good for you is directly linked to her level of attraction for you. She then starts asking you to put in loads of effort to improve your physical appearance for her.
She was a bombshell when you met her, but as long-term commitment settled in so did a few extra pounds on her hips. We all gain a little weight as we age, but if she now ignores healthy habits altogether, it's time to help her realize the risks, without being cruel. There's a fine line between insulting her, and helping her. Learn how to approach the subject the right way.
How To Encourage Your Girlfriend or Wife To Lose Weight – Without Getting Slapped!
The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. So, me and my girlfriend of a year and a half have a totally great relationship, except for one thing. Maybe 30 or 40 pounds. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I feel myself being less attracted to her. I want her to turn it around. Is there a way to do it without dooming the relationship or getting into a really brutally painful fight? This may sound counter-intuitive, but pretty much regardless of the issue at hand, if you're concerned about something in your relationship, you should bring it up immediately.
The Humanist Dilemma: Can I Ask My Girlfriend to Lose Weight as a Condition to Getting Married?
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Is your girlfriend putting on weight and you are wondering how to ask her to reduce it without hurting her feelings? We will help you with the techniques of telling your girlfriend to lose weight. Although you have a very close relationship with your girlfriend, you cannot say or tell something on her face like asking her to reduce weight.
Talking To Your Girlfriend About Her Weight Gain
You have a girlfriend, who you adore and your relationship is solid and loving and it has been nearly x years since you become a couple. You need to tell your girlfriend to lose weight. At least 10 kg by your estimate. Recently, you have noticed that she is less confident in herself and her appearance.
Search Search. Menu Sections. Karl Henry Twitter Email. Karl says: I think this is one of the most important questions I have received in regards to this column. Now, it's going to be a tricky one to answer, but it's important that we be honest with our partners in trying to help them lose weight and get fitter. This can go a long way towards getting people healthier and lighter, and helping them to live longer.
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I wrote this for real men who are genuinely concerned about their female partner, and want to help them steer towards change. I feel you. When you see your woman lose her goddess like figure right in front of your eyes, you feel helpless. You feel like you need to save her.
Q: My girlfriend gained weight. Is there a right way to encourage her to slim down again, or do I avoid the issue all together? But I would advise you to think very, very carefully about how you do it.