My husband wants me to get a better job
Skip to content. My value system and that of my husband's seem to be opposed. I believe that there is nothing more important than staying at home with our children. My husband agrees in theory, but strongly resents carrying the financial burden. When things get stressful at our house, he suggests that all would be easier if I were working.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Husband Wants To Quit His Job
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My Husband Does Not Make Enough Money
Money is a hot-button issue in most marriages, but the it tends to really hit a nerve where individual income is concerned. If your spouse wants you to earn a better salary, there are probably multiple reasons for this—and you might need to dig deep to pinpoint some of them.
A great place to start exploring your differing viewpoints is to try to understand where your spouse is coming from. Did your spouse come from a family of origin that placed a high value on material possessions, job security, or a certain income level?
Does he or she want a higher level of income for more freedom, more opportunities, or the chance to travel and have experiences that require extra money?
Is he or she hoping to spend more time at home with the children? Or does your spouse want to pursue a degree that requires him or her to work fewer hours in the meantime? Now that you know where his or her mind is, you can make your case more effectively. Explain to your spouse what he or she or your family stands to lose if you take a higher-paying job.
Work together to identify and weigh the pros and cons of you bringing in a larger income. Remember to value your relationships with one another and your children over financial resources, and check in with yourselves to make sure your priorities are in order.
If your spouse is craving a sense of financial security—perhaps because of fears stemming from a financially insecure childhood—work together to create a plan that provides more emotional safety. This might involve finding a way to get extra money into savings, or having a solid fallback plan if your current career is uncertain. Have you and your spouse clashed about how much money you make? What did you do about it? Let us know in the comments! I wish you had discussed the other side, what to do when the reasons to request more income are to pave the way out of the marriage?
Or how to discern that type of intention? Your advice assumes good faith from both sides, and adding a comment at the end of your blogs for the difficult situations, would be more realistic and helpful for all your audience. I have no advice. I understand compromising for the household finances and other household priorities.
It is difficult to compromise when a spouse wants more from you because he has the pressure of taking care of other family members who do not live in the home.. Everyone in the family are adults however, they expect my spouse to take care of their household as well.
My spouse works so much that there is hardly any time to build a strong positive bond between us , enjoy quality time, and does not take time for their own self-care. How do we compromise on this when the other is dead set on being the provider for all households but at times neglect their own. This struck a nerve for me! So hard to watch your spouse grind for others but take little time to care for self. I just want my spouse to be more attentive to our needs and personal needs.
There is a lot of pressure to work in the school community as most of the Mums and Dad work substantial hours. As Christians we are called to be different to the mainstream community.
Puzzled where this leaves us?. I just learned 4 months ago my husband has been in major debt for 3 years. The bank kept my paid land mortgage since and used for my husband debt and to get the paid mortgage, I had to pay the bank , I am now asking how can I save the rest of my savings because my husband is still in debt!!
For as long as I can remember, money has become a taboo topic unless we want to fight and argue. I tend to want to avoid conflict or fighting.
Any suggestions or recommendations, which I attempt to make are considered controlling. In order to have a peaceful home, I try not to bring it up. I remain silent and wonder whatever has happened to the confident woman who could conquer the world and had it together. Math and organization use to be a gift and strong point at one time.
Trying to accept and settle for a long time marriage which has no team effort and limited communication. My spouse works in a high profile corporation earning probably four times more than me, as I have been running my own business even before our marriage. We have two lovely children. Maybe she feels exhausted and stressed at her job as you have more freedom?
What are you doing to offset her stress and make her feel loved and appreciated for working a high demand job? Self Employment and high profile corporation jobs are two completely different jobs. Perhaps she should agree to do it for a set amount of years then switch and you take the high pressure and she take the less stressful, seems fair.
My spouse works a low level job and does not seem to want to do anything to move up. He makes me feel guilty for wanting to take classes or do something to improve my skills, work extra jobs, go to school, etc. If I ask he usually will help out, but often he just has nothing left over after his own expenses.
I have 3 teens at home from my prior marriage, so I realize that I need to shoulder most of the financial burden. But, he was an alcoholic and left me totally bankrupt. I realize that he could get by in a little studio on his own. It makes me feel unloved though. It is just that I need some security. He keeps telling me that I need to work on not being so afraid and worrying about tomorrow.
It is a sin to worry about the future. Not that I want anything fancy, but it would be nice to be able to afford a haircut. We barely make rent, he has unpaid bills, we have no savings, go without. My kids work to buy all their own clothes, glasses, school stuff. He spends money on stupid tattoos, cigarettes, things for himself. I am struggling physically I have health issues to work full time, in so much pain each day. We are 50 and not getting any younger. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
Over 1,, couples and , pastors and counselors can't be wrong: SYMBIS is the most widely used pre-marriage system in existence. Having devoted the past 25 years to research, writing and speaking on pre-marriage education, Les and Leslie are renowned experts in the field.
Weighing the Pros and Cons Work together to identify and weigh the pros and cons of you bringing in a larger income. Monica says:. July 26, at pm. Stacy says:. Denise says:. Kileen says:. August 19, at pm. Lorraine says:. Lalo says:. January 13, at am. Annette says:. Sherry says:. July 27, at am. Charlotte says:. Tirzah says:. August 2, at pm. Pete C says:. February 8, at pm.
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Husband wants me to go back to work
In reality, about a third do, down from the divorce surge of the s and s, though second and third marriages are much more vulnerable. Recent marriages are doing particularly well thus far: Just 15 percent of the Americans who tied the knot since have decided to get it undone within the first eight years of marriage. The predictors of divorce, however, remain mysterious. But in a new study published in the American Sociological Review , Harvard sociologist Alexandra Achen Killewald has found that the things that increase the probability of divorce — as they relate to work, at least — have changed over the past couple decades. The data set is enviably large.
But it is not at all obvious. The results I see are husbands starting businesses, or growing their businesses, and getting promotions—three in one year, sometimes——or winning sales contests and getting raises. And it was all because their wives took this scary, but enormously gratifying, approach. In fact, just like jealousy, it has the opposite effect, which I explain here. First my husband made less, then he made nothing as I continuously hinted, reminded, nagged and urged him to find a way to earn more income.
Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce
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VENT & ADVICE: My husband wants me to change jobs
A great lifestyle would be to work on a blog, write, have little creative projects, cook great meals, travel, have a beautiful veggie garden, spend time with family, friends and my husband. The problem? My husband is one of those men who insists that his wife work. We do live in a very expensive part of the country, so hubby feels that we still need to save and save for retirement.
My husband is a wonderful man in so many areas and we have a generally happy and loving relationship. He told me a year and a half ago that he wants to get a new job. He continually talks about how he wants to leave and get a better job, but does nothing about it!
Husband Wants a Better Job But Does Nothing About It
TIA thanks in advance for reading! My backstory: I work for a non-profit in a med-high level position. I make more than DH dear husband and although we can survive on my salary we cannot on his. He is on his way to more training and eventually a big salary that we can live on with our three boys.
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Help! My Spouse Wants Me to Make More Money
Here are some steps to consider taking whether you're searching for a job, need gig work quickly or have been asked to work from home. Many employers are hiring now to fill urgent talent needs. Here's our list of companies hiring now. As our daily lives shift with the spread of COVID, you may require the support of unemployment benefits. Here are several steps you can take to find the help you need when leaving a job.
How do I get my husband to stop telling me that I make too little money? I am a full-time copy editor at a magazine, making what copy editors make when they first start out in their careers. I love my job and feel that I am well suited for it; unfortunately, the pay is crap you're well aware of this, I believe.
Account Options Login. United States. Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions. Subcommittee on Children and Families.
Money is a hot-button issue in most marriages, but the it tends to really hit a nerve where individual income is concerned. If your spouse wants you to earn a better salary, there are probably multiple reasons for this—and you might need to dig deep to pinpoint some of them. A great place to start exploring your differing viewpoints is to try to understand where your spouse is coming from. Did your spouse come from a family of origin that placed a high value on material possessions, job security, or a certain income level?